GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE
THAT CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED
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- No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
- When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
- If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
- Never ask your 3-year-old brother to hold a tomato.
- You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
- Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
- Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
- Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.
- School lunches stick to the wall.
- You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
- Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
- The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma's lap.
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GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE
THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED
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- Raising teenagers is like nailing JELL-O to a tree.
- There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it.
- For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
- One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
- The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere... and let the air out of their tires.
- Car sickness is the feeling you get when the car payment is due.
- Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts.
- Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
- Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.
- Middle Age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
- My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
- If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
- You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
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