| Maybe it starts when you realize rock concerts give you a headache. Or that you're offering to cut up other people's food. or you can catch yourself ending a discussion with, "Because I'm the Mom, that's why!" |
You've reached a new level of motherhood. All the warning signals are there. You know you've crosses the threshold into advanced "Mommydom" when:
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| |  | You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they are equal. |
| | | You want to take out a contract on the kid who broke your child's favorite toy and made him cry. |
| | | You have time to shave only one leg at a time. |
| | | You hide in the bathroom to be alone. |
| | | Your child throws up and you catch it. |
| | | Someone else's kid throws up at a party and you keep eating. |
| | | You consider finger paint to be a controlled substance. |
| | | You've mastered the art of placing large quantities of pancakes and eggs on a plate without anything touching. |
| | | You hope ketchup is a vegetable because it's the only one your child eats. |
| | | You can't bear the thought of your son's first girlfriend. |
| | | You hate the thought of his wife even worse. |
| | | As you cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons; your child chews his toast into the shape of a gun. |
| | | You find yourself cutting your husbands sandwiches into unusual shapes. |
| | | You can't bear to give away baby clothes....it's so final. |
| | | You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when you say "NOT in your good clothes!" |
| | | You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you. |
| | | You lose sleep. |
| | | You donate to charities in the hope that your child won't get that disease. |
| | | You use your own saliva to clean your child's face. |
| | | You read that the average five year old asks 437 questions a day and you feel proud that your kid is "above average." |
| | | You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with your husband in ages, then spend half the night checking on the kids. |
| | | You say at least once a day, "I'm not cut out for this job," but you know you wouldn't trade it for anything. |
